Hard-Ons - Alfalfa Males Once Summer Is Done Conform Or Die

Author

Joey K

Published

Tuesday 13th July

Cool Bananas

I’ll be honest and state right from the outset that I kind of lost track of the Hard-Ons right around the time original drummer/vocalist Keish left the band. Not because I didn’t like the new lineup, which features guitarist Blackie taking up vocal duties and Pete (Front End Loader, Regurgitator) Kostic filling in the drum stool, or for any reason in particular for that matter… it just happened. As such it was a great joy to revisit them so many years later and still find them the funny, misanthropic, totally rocking force of nature I remembered them to be, albeit with a slightly different take on it these days.

They were a band that meant the world to me as a 20 year old and I survived many a pit of theirs at now vanished venues such as The Old Melbourne and Ozone Bar, not to mention an amazing set at one of the very first Perth Big Day Outs, when it was still based in Fremantle. Yes I am showing my age, and so are they – 28 years now the band have been kicking around in one form or another, surviving break ups, the aforementioned line-up shuffles and the fickle fortunes of the music industry. Their secret? Doing what they want to do and not giving a fuck about anything else. Very few bands can lay claim to doing this with the level of pureness found in the Hard-Ons. You get the sense that they are perhaps better appreciated and respected overseas for their contribution to punk music, with massive overseas cult followings and high profile fans such as Henry Rollins and Dave Grohl, but nevertheless they are a hugely respected Australian institution and for good reason.

Their last two albums ‘Most People Are A Waste Of Time’ and ‘Most People Are Nicer Than Us’ split the bands sweet’n’sour sound into two distinct sides – a sugary fuzz pop band on the former and a thrash metal beast on the latter. With new album ‘Alfalfa Males Once Summer Is Done Conform Or Die’, again adorned with a spectacular illustration from iconic bass player Ray Ahn, they seemingly draw 50/50 from both sides of their split personality which makes for a more diverse and interesting platter and one much more in the spirit of their early albums such as the classic ‘Dickcheese’.

The bubblegum of opening track ‘Feisty’ and ‘I’m a Frozen Boy’ stands in stark contrast to the all-out metal attack of ‘In the End We All Die Alone’ and hardcore frenzy of ‘Near the Casino’. Somewhere in the middle, balls-out rockers such as ‘Cigarettes’ provide a tenuous bridge between the two styles, but it’s the lyrics and overriding sense of humour that are the glue, providing a common thread of absurdist satire that somehow holds the whole wonderfully schizophrenic mess together. Equal parts idiosyncratic and, well, idiotic, it’s a quality that has always set them apart from other acts who took themselves too seriously, or not seriously enough.

For a band to sound this anarchic and fresh as they approach their third decade in the game is truly unique… as the Hard-Ons have always been. Young punk / rock’n’roll bands take note – it’s not about haircuts and choreographed stage moves, it’s about being yourself and kicking arse, and this album does both in spades.